And, if you have not had the pleasure of being guided though American football with John, well, it's a bit like being told about America's favourite game and all its idiosyncrasies by language guru Michael Thomas over a lovely cuppa. The boys at EA have done a good job with this latest Madden, too, having overhauled the 'gameflow' (whatever that means – I’m guessing they down dampen your interest by loading you up with options and making it quicker to play).
Rather than dumb it down for the British audience, who by and large don't know their Cowboys from their Packers, never mind their Hail Marys from their scrimmage, they've added all the good stuff in and given you the option to spool lovingly though all the move options.
If, like me, you can't really be bothered with most of that and have, let’s say, about half-a-dozen favourite moves, you can really rattle though the game. And for an iPhone app, that's what you want - it's a big plus to be able to dip in and out. As much as I liked Bruce Springsteen's impromptu crotch-dive at the Super Bowl the other year, the stop-start nature and constant tactical switches are what madden (no pun intended) me the most about American football.
Here, the game modes are as extensive – or as simple - as suits the individual. And you can pick up the gameplay basics very quickly. OK, the graphics are not quite as slick as FIFA 2011, but that matters less; next year's effort will improve on that, I'm sure. And it's those rewards - the catching passes, and scoring touchdowns - are what con the player into thinking they are good at this game. It's a trick, but it works. No one wants to be hammered every time they switch on, but the generous levels of difficulty (certainly at the bottom end) create the addiction that EA Sports are looking for.
While sadly missing the Boss's crotch-dives, this game makes American football accessible, quick and - dare I say it - a lot of fun, suitable for the Super Bowl geek and the ignorant gamer alike.
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